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| 4 months of summer...
By the end of this summer, I better be comfortable in drawing the human body.
Male or female, in any, if not all, kinds of positions.
I better know at least half the bones in the human body.
All the muscles.
A fair amount of facial expressions.
A good grip on realism to steer in to my style, if I find it.
My reference sketchbook starts today.
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| Thanks for the support everyone :]
Though...it's customary in my family to pretend nothing happened.
Great, isn't it? Sigh.
It's 4:08am as I'm typing this and I just made a Twitter.
I got my very LAST exam of Foundation Year at 3:50.
Then summer's going to start.
Totally studying that at the moment. (Half sarcasm)
Couldn't help but creep around.
Why do you people use BlogSpot now D: *ahem*
When I think of BlogSpot, I think of my Grade 12 class with Ms. Donovan LOL.
I don't know...I guess it is a lot more organized and stuff.
Xanga has been with me throughout though...and I'm used to it.
I'm old and anal too so I don't want to learn new things LOL.
Besides...too many Blogs and profiles and stuff just means more disintegration of organization.
I'll still use Xanga <3
(But I'll creep you guys muhahahahaha)
My writing really deteriorated.
Sad.
Can't wait for summer to come.
Finally have some time to think about...myself.
Ego +1
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| Merry 1 Month Can you remember?
A month ago, 3.6.9.
(69 lolololol...)
You were in my arms and we wondered to each other, "What are we?"
A tomboy lesbian with a girl who's supposed to be straight.
What are we?
We were "Friends with Benefits".
That shattered in 6 days, when we found that we couldn't sustain a friendship with benefits.
We're something more.
Here we are, a month later.
The questions still arise, the problems still linger.
Yet we stayed, through it all.
Just 6 hours ago, my life came crashing down.
I told you why I wanted you to go.
I didn't have to tell you...you saw.
--
Here's my mom, finding out that I'm lesbian. That I make out with girls.
Saying...
If it was a guy, she wouldn't be so hurt.
How homosexuality disgusts her and makes her heart cringe and turn to stone.
How she knew I wasn't normal.
Asking me why can't I have some sense to get a boyfriend.
What's the point of her living and enduring life if I'm like this.
What has she taught me all these years.
Where did she go wrong.
Why does she have such a daughter.
Breaking down and crying.
--
Most people see Home.
Home is where the heart's at.
If you're ever lost or lonely, there's family.
What family?
When you parents look at you in disgust.
You...for who you are.
What does my happiness matter to them?
When I had to fight for everything I have and am right now?
When I have to lie to go to Metrotown? Downtown? Really?
I live.
I live my life to the fullest.
Why do you think I shoot coke and snort mcDonalds? (lol)
Fullest may be...28 years...35 years...40 years.
But I enjoy every moment of it.
Why do I live, then, if I can't be who I am?
If I can't Love?
I'm not suicidal...
Though I do, very much, resent the older generation.
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| I want to run.
Run.
Far from this.
There is no such thing as a Home.
Not for me.
When your parents are disgusted by you.
And love...
Is the enemy.
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| How are you supposed to respond?
How are you supposed to react?
When you are told once you wake up...
Once.
Your brother needs to camera.
He's going back to Hong Kong.
Because grandma got sent to emergency?
Twice.
Your mom tells you to get dressed.
Brother and dad are going back to Hong Kong.
Because grandma isn't holding on?
Thrice.
Your dad tells you to take care and help out.
He's going back to Hong Kong.
Because grandma's heart can't pump blood.
How are you supposed to reply to all that?
All I did was stare and say, "Oh."
I didn't know how to react.
My last grandma...
It always seems to be when school is ending, when exams are coming, that something horrific happens.
It was the same as back then, in February of Grade 11, semester break was coming...just a week more.
Just one more week.
I wake up to the third warning that grandma is slipping.
I get the text message at lunch time telling me that grandma is gone.
How do I react?
When I don't think about it, I don't cry.
Does this make me cold?
How do I react?
Do I go out with friends, laugh and do my homework?
Avoid and neglect the problem?
How do I reach out?
Am I an asshole for going out with friends during this time?
I just don't know...
PorPor never got to see my graduation pictures.
MaMa may never see my graduate university.
The two family members who tell me I'm doing well, no matter what I'm doing, and who support me, in whatever it is that I'm doing...are going.
How do I react?
I always wondered what people around me are doing, where they're going, what their plans are later.
Who would've guessed that the person sitting next to them on the bus is a girl.
On her period.
Cold and pissed off at the weather.
Going to school to try to lighten the work load.
Having a blank mind, staring in to blank space, with tears in her eyes.
Having her very last grandma in an emergency room in a hospital in Hong Kong.
While she's in Canada with only her mom and two dogs.
Wishing it was just an April Fools joke...
Who would've guessed...
I don't know...how to react.
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